aggravating | 1st Command; Video

[This is so not his idea of a vacation, guys. You have no idea. But at the very least, the man peering at the screen isn't flipping out or anything. In fact, he just seems to have a sort of cool and composed air to him. If, you know, he was anything other than pissed right now.]

Okay, yeah. Fun times. Sitting on a boat in the middle of space while the world is, literally, going to hell back home without me, all because this is supposed to part of some self-awareness spiritual journey crap?

[He's been doing his homework]

Right, uh. Someone point me to the fun part of this ship, because I'm not buying into this prisoner shtick right now. Oh, and. Give me that phone call home, boss. I need to sick my lawyers on all of your asses.

Because you kind of took my property. And my AI. And my ride home.

[He makes a frustrated sound in the back of his throat, looking around before reaching down, pulling a pair of sunglasses from his pocket, ignoring the slightly bent out of shape frames - he'd kind of fallen on them more than a few times - and slipping them right up to rest on the bridge of his nose]

For anyone stupid enough to not know who I am, I'm Tony Stark. Iron Man. And the first person who asks for an autograph is getting thrown overboard.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Jesse is always happy to be the combo breaker! He switches to private for his first Barge Lesson:]

Hey, man, get in good with the wardens and they'll get you pizza whenever. But don't even bother trying with the phone home and whatnot, because the Admiral's a major douchebag and he'll just dick you around on it. Trust me.

[Honestly, if he can build an arc reactor in a cave with a box of scraps while hooked up to a car battery, he's pretty sure he can make a phone from whatever's lying around this place. And manage to find some sort of signal out here. Even if its a crazy alien one or something]

If it's DiGiorno, I'm filing a complaint. And honestly, if I had a magic, glowing finger I would have used it first off. But there's always some form of communication. It's not like we're all wrapped up in some void space bubble or-

We are, aren't we?

We're on a goddamn bubble boy space barge.

Pretty much, yeah. And don't even bother trying to get the internet, 'cause every lame-ass hacker who comes through here tries it and it never works. The wires are filled with, like, Jell-O or some shit.

Seriously? You guys have a floating space Disney Cruise with a localized communications system, and you don't have any sort of computer network?

Oh my god. This doesn't even make sense anymore. [He needs the internet okay 8|]

That's what doesn't make sense? You really are new, huh?

No. It doesn't. You're working with a propulsion system that's at least two hundred years beyond the snail's pace Earth is at, given the lack of feedback through the ship and the space-shocks or whatever keeping us all from rumbling and shaking and jerking. Oh, and, we're on a space barge.

And yet we weren't given brain chips or ear slugs or whatever the hell else has been in science fiction movies over the last few decades.

It's kind of the worst brand of stupid I've ever seen. And I've had to deal with Justin freaking Hammer.

Uh, yeah, and also the doctor's from the super-future, the other Doctor's a time-traveling space freak, my girlfriend's got magic blood, no one can die, and like twice a month we all turn into other people.

But you're right -- the engine's what's weird.

In order to move something as presumably big as this, it needs to at least be- [Wait no, hold on. Time to stop nerding about the annoying engine confusion and the technological gaps between Earth and... wherever this thing was from in order to pay attention, now.]

... Turn into other people.

So I'm guessing no one's filled you in on floods and shit, yet?

Starting to get a mention of that, but nothing that makes any sense. Which is kind of saying a lot about the general helpfulness of this enlightenment camp.

Pretty much, yeah. But whatever, like your world makes any sense? Gamma rays? Come on, yo. I know dick about science and even I know that's bullshit.

Yeah, sorry. Gamma rays are kind of a real thing. Decaying high-energy atoms and stuff like that. I'm a little behind on the reading because, uh, not really looking to turn all green and bitten by roid-rage right now.

[That's the Hulk you're talking about, man.]

Whatever, man. It's all as real as time travel and the, uh, the TARDISes, and the healing blood, and that chick who kills people with plants. Oh, plus, like, actual magic.

"Magic is a science we don't understand" and blah blah blah. Seriously? There's a chick who kills with plants?

[Because that's the most important thing right now]

There's people who kill people with all kinds of shit here.

And real magic, I meant. Like you know Harry Potter? They got Harry Potter in, uh, your world? Like Harry Potter magic. Like we had Harry Potter here.

[... Okay this is the coolest shit he's ever heard]

I am really liking this whole multiverse thing. So you're saying... Sherlock Holmes is an old book back home, but here he might be running around yelling "ELEMENTARY" at the top of his lungs?

[IT'S PRETTY SWEET, just don't ask how he knows who you are.]

Yeah. Totally. I'm pretty sure there was one here, actually.

[He's so used to people knowing who he is it kind of doesn't even phase him at this point.

... He'd kind of enjoy knowing he has super successful movies made about him, though. And way too many years of comics.]

Seriously? Sherlock Holmes? Pipe and magnifying glass and all?

I dunno. Maybe? It was a long time ago, and it's not like I met the dude.

Damn, too bad.

Would have liked to see just how smart he really was.

Yeah, well, people wander in and out of here all the time. [There's a certain note of bitterness, there.] So he might show up again.

[He takes note of that bitterness, but uh... he's not good at that kind of stuff. So... ignoring it, for now.]

Anyone else here I should know about?

Sherlock Holmes level, I mean.

I dunno, um... Buffy? [He doesn't know who you know, Tony. :|] Or we've got some Robins here.

Oh, and King Arthur, I guess. Except I'm pretty sure that dude's full of shit, or like, a different one, or something.

1st Command; Video

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