11th Command; Video

[aggravating]

[Hey guys. Hey. Guys. Was Tony kickass in that Port or what? Yeah, that's right. He was.

And he is totally lording it over all of your heads for the rest of time.]

So, uh, for the record. We should probably have some sort of actual sane plan for situations like that. Like. The Bargites Guide to Surviving Alien Kidnappings. First chapter: Listen to the Locals and Don't Rush the Aliens.

[And, almost as an afterthought:]

And in case anyone knew her, Pepper Potts went home.

Comments

[ichoosefight]

That's what I was telling them. Nobody listens to me.

[aggravating]

We should make a club. The "let's avoid being dumbasses" club. Invite only.

[Ha. Ha. Ha. What is he even talking about he is definitely not allowed in that club.

... But for once he feels like rubbing his ability to not be stupid in people's faces. Sooooo...]

[ichoosefight]

It's crazy how many people I ran into in the arena who'd done just that. I don't even know how many made it out alive.

I'm sorry about your friend. Did she disappear before Port?

[aggravating]

[He sighs and leans back, waving a hand at the Iron Man helmet nearby to get JARVIS to project a keypad in the air, typing out a quick note]

Actually working on figuring that out. It'd be nice to know who isn't keeping their murderer in check.

[Ah... that question.]

No idea. I was a little busy being a hermit during the whole alien thing. [So he honestly has no idea if she checked in at all during it.]

[ichoosefight]

Probably the infirmary has a list of the dead, since they all came back there.

Well. Here's hoping. It wasn't a fun experience for anyone.

[aggravating]

Morbid. [... but also probably true] We should have a survival class.

[Weirdly enough, Tony's actually being serious and thoughtful, all of a sudden.] Having a quarter of the barge suddenly knocked out of commission for whatever reason isn't exactly the safest thing, given how many murders pretty regularly happen on board.

Some basic survival skills might have cut that number in half.

[ichoosefight]

I think Hoffman was talking about that, actually. At least, building a fire and driving a car and that sort of stuff. Dick teaches self defense.

I've been learning to survive like that since I was fifteen, but then that might be the only reason I'm still alive.

[aggravating]

I had a crash course in it, recently. [He's being serious, though. He'd gotten lucky. He's smart, almost annoyingly so. And extremely hard to kill. He'd built himself a suit out of scraps in a cave, in between torture sessions. He'd burned down a terrorist base. He'd somehow managed to survive for a day wandering aimlessly in the desert.

Luck won't get you everywhere, though.]

We should go through, get a group thinking of situations we'd end up in, environments we might land in. Get that CES or whatever to emulate them, take groups in and teach them what to do, what to avoid. The basics.

[One thing's for sure. When Tony gets his act together? He'll make a pretty decent Warden.]

[ichoosefight]

You should talk to Dick, maybe Hoffman. They're the two people I know are really on board with leading lessons. I've never been good at setting up that sort of stuff, but I'd be more than happy to lend my knowledge. It just, you know, tends to be more on the improvisational side.

[aggravating]

[He will not laugh at the name Dick he will not laugh at the name Dick he will not laugh at the name Dick he will not laugh at the name Dick he will totally crack the fuck up at the name Dick he will tot- oh screw it.]

I'll talk to Richie when he ditches the creepy get-up. Hoffman's do-able, if not... just as creepy. Is there anyone on this ship that's useful and doesn't inspire the whole chill factor?

[ichoosefight]

[ You get used to it, honest, she swears... ]

If you think his get-up is creepy, you're not gonna like me much better.

[aggravating]

[... Oh. God.]

........ Tell me you don't dress up like a flying, bug eating mammal, too.

[WHY]

[ichoosefight]

Hey, where I come from it's basically the coolest thing ever. [ Don't knock it 'till you've tried it? ]

[aggravating]

... It's a bat.

[Oh. God. He judges you bat people so much you have no idea.]

[ichoosefight]

You say that like it makes it any less totally awesome.

[aggravating]

... You're dressing up like bug eating, flying fur balls who live in toxic dumps and are, pretty much, the number one carriers of rabies in the US.

How is any part of that awesome?

[ichoosefight]

Well for starters, my outfit is much more badass than that. Then there's the crime fighting, the saving lives, the small horde of tiny children that actually came to find me when I was in the hospital, the making Gotham a slightly better place one dark alley at a time, the tons of awesome gadgets I get to play with, the swinging from rooftops which is crazy fun, wearing the symbol of a group of people who've saved thousands of lives... Oh, and the look on the faces of thugs who didn't think there would be a Bat on their case.

Not a complete list, but it's a start.

[aggravating]

[There's a pause on Tony's end as he mulls that over. A pause that, in the end, has him ducking his head just slightly, huffing out a quiet laugh.]

Alright, not that bad. Still think the guy who originally sat down and went "you know what? I think I'll dress up like a giant bat" needs therapy but hey. People in LA basically worship a giant mouse in red pants and giant shoes.

[ichoosefight]

Nobody's arguing that one.

Except maybe his kids, but they're biased.

[aggravating]

I'd pay money for that guy's therapy tapes.

[Also he does not want to see how a bat guy's biological offspring turned out.]

[ichoosefight]

Like he's ever had therapy. [ That is exactly the problem, Tony. He's never had therapy. Steph wishes she didn't know how his biological offspring turned out. ]

[aggravating]

Threaten him with tying him to a chair and forcing him to watch teletubby reruns until he goes.

Trust me, he'll give in eventually.

[ichoosefight]

This is the guy who taught me how to tie people to chairs. Somehow I don't see that working so well.