[The camera is facing the wall. An interesting thing, seeing as there must be some sort of reason someone would purposefully start broadcasting a picture of the wall. Perhaps it was going to change? Perhaps there was a pattern hidden there, something just slightly off-white patterned there. Some hidden message, some hidden meaning. Perhaps all the answers to life were in that one little piece of a room, that one, focused image of a wall being sent around the barge. Perhaps-]

Back in black! [Oh.] I hit the sack [Is that-] I've been too long [Oh no.] I'm glad to be back!

[And just like that, AD/DC at full force in the background, the camera is picked up, held up and at an angle pure myspace style, revealing one Tony Stark in all his business suited glory.] Honey, I'm home! [Aaaand down goes the communicator on the nearest desk.] And, so we're all on the same page here, I fully endorse a battle royale to figure out who honey is. Although I warn you now, I'm a picky soul, and my heart belongs to one thing and one thing only.

[Wait for it, pause for dramatic effect, drum roll please!

... Yeah he's just stepping aside to show the Mark VII in all it's powered down glory.]

It's the red and gold that got me. I still say I go with the red suit and you wear the gold lace, babe.

I believe the lace would flatter your figure better, sir.

Fair point. [Yup. That's one smart-talking computer program that's followed Tony to the barge. Again. JARVIS is practically a part of him at this point. But at the very least Tony seems to be calming down, finally sitting at the desk the communicator's on and tilting it up a little to eye the camera a bit better.] Quick debrief. I'm back of my own free will. Lacking the invisible shackles this time around, and this? [Have a quick wiggle of his phone] I got promoted to camp counselor. So someone get the blogs out and give me updates.

[CLICK goes the communicator, right in what appears to be the middle of a conversation.]

I need, and I know you said you weren’t going to again, but all I need is a few minutes, Pepper. In and out.

Yes, I’ve already said, so why is this coming up again? Can’t you just ask Charles?

Yeah, uh, Madame X has hands like a football player. Don’t really want those inside me. You, on the other hand, have dainty, perfectly shaped hands and I know you already know what to do. It’s a comfort thing.

A comfort thing. No, this isn’t a comfort thing, this is a you don’t want someone more capable, because the last time I did this I nearly stopped your heart. Why- Why do you-- Why is your- Tony, your comm is blinking, why is it- Is it on?

It’s fine, don’t worry about it. Just keep going, slow and steady. You’re doing great, Pepper. That- yeah, that one. Right there. [He sounds a little tense, a little more out of breath with every word] Oh god- I forgot the smell--

( cut for length! )

[NOTE:
Pepper is blue.
Tony is red.
And both will be responding and interjecting c:]

[Hi barge, someone looks grumpy today. Probably has to do with the fact that he's apparently been asleep for over two weeks.]

For the record? I'm blaming space. And the fact that we're in a ship that doesn't work by any version of logic piloted by a guy who, let's face it, doesn't actually know how to sail a multidimensional spaceship. You could put a monkey in a hat and he'd be a better Admiral than this guy. Because. Uh. Comas don't just happen out of the blue, and who knows what kind of alien radiation we're all getting hit with. [... Yeah he's just really annoyed about this.

Still, he's just kind of rubbing a hand against his temple and the side of his head for a second, brow furrowed, before gesturing vaguely at the communicator.] So what have I missed, who's gone and who's new and how many crash landings did I sleep through?

[Private to the Assvengers]

Apparently comas contagious, so prolonged exposure to Captain Beauty Sleep should be monitored. [Tony speak for "Hey guys I'm back you totally missed me don't even lie."] Who's killed who and tell me no one touched the helmet.

[Private to Charles]

I want to start a barge robotics club. [Hi, sorry for worrying you, still alive, hope you didn't do anything weird with my body in the meantime. Not that I'd blame you because uh, perfect male specimen right here.]

This again? [He's so not amused. You see how not amused he is? This is A+ levels of not. Fucking. Amused..] Alright, I'll bite. Let's see who knows me.

This is Tony Stark. Yes the Tony Stark. Iron Man, eccentric billionaire, genius inventor. Let's chat.

[... Wait. Shit he almost forgot.

A look of something that can only be described as pure, creeped out discomfort pulls at his face as he leans forward, about to turn off the feed.]

And if you're a psycho pink pony? Yeah. No. Go creep on someone else.

[Not today, Pinkmania. Not. Today.]

[The video clicks on to Tony looking harried and, well, sleep deprived in the lab he's been given access to. He should probably be sleeping, considering he should really be off his leg still and it's like, ass o'clock, but who's keeping track, right?

Also, he might just be waving at the camera with the skeleton of what seems to be a robotic arm.]

So, I have things. And I've kind of forgotten who they're for. Well, okay, no. This- [Have some robotic skeleton fingers wiggling] -is the only one I'm still not sure on, so if you're missing an arm and looking to gain one of the metal, not-so-organic kind, hi. Tony Stark. I'll be your creepy prosthetic tailor for the duration of your stay here. Tips appreciated.

That said, anyone want anything robotic improved, I'm looking for projects that hopefully won't end up in a miniature robot invasion this time around. So if you want an alarm clock that doubles as a taser, toaster, microwave, and guard dog, you're listening to the right broadcast.

[Thaaaaat being said, he has a few private call-outs to make, so. Bye, barge.]

( private messages to Dean, Natasha, Duo, and Charles )

[You know, for a minute there this was going to be an awesome team building exercise. Taking Loki out - again - and corrupting an American icon with hate and lying and trickery? Yeah. It was going to be awesome. But then Steve had to have some kind of really annoying morality crisis and you know what? Screw that. He was already halfway up to Charles' room when Steve started talking about. Telling him to wait- Why would he wait? They had a plan, and he was sticking to it. Unlike some jerkwad team leader.

So, he takes a swig of scotch from the flask he'd made for himself during some downtime in the maintenance room. Just quickly hammered out metal, sealed up tight and a little dented but hey. It worked. And as disgusting as scotch normally was warm, Tony just didn't taste it anymore. Either way, he'd need it to try and come off as charming and nonchalant as possible when he got to-

Oh. Hey. Charles' door.

He shoves the flask back clumsily into his back pocket before knocking on Charles' door. At the very least, he has had way too much practice at enunciating while drunk off his ass.]

Hey. Sweetcakes. Surprise maintenance call.

[Why hello barge, wasn't that a fun flood? Tony's in bed today, just kind of lounging and leaning against the headboard right now, still a bit battered and bruised, and just staring rather blankly down at the communicator. On second though, he looks rather judging, really, and-

... Well, hold on a second there. Not only does this not look like his room (because honestly, he wouldn't be caught dead living in a place right out of a forties movie) but if you've ever got a message from one Steve Rogers you might notice that this is actually coming from his communicator.]

Steve Rogers' inmate Edward Blake went home. And let me be the first asshole to say thank god.

[And he is so not sorry for that. BUT.]

For those of you with your nose buried in the nonexistent gossip column of this ship, you might have noticed the little lover's spat going on between Cap, Nicole, and I. And for those that care, you'll be happy to know that now that Legolas is back in play, we're all one big happy family again and I am preemptively claiming the first Saturday Night Avengers Orgy for my room.

[Believe it or not, there is a point to this ridiculousness. And it's not just making Clint, Natasha, and Steve all want to kill him. But, he pauses just before ending the feed, grinning wide]

Also, Cap? Think we got our communicators mixed up last night.

[.... Clint, Nat, Steve and Peggy.]


[ooc: written with permission from Mandy!]

[Hey guys. Hey. Guys. Was Tony kickass in that Port or what? Yeah, that's right. He was.

And he is totally lording it over all of your heads for the rest of time.]

So, uh, for the record. We should probably have some sort of actual sane plan for situations like that. Like. The Bargites Guide to Surviving Alien Kidnappings. First chapter: Listen to the Locals and Don't Rush the Aliens.

[And, almost as an afterthought:]

And in case anyone knew her, Pepper Potts went home.

[Nope. Screw you Bargians, he's not saying anything to you publicly.

... Oh okay, fine. Have a quick bullshit grin, the one he normally pulls at press conferences he'd rather die than be at.]

Well that was fun. We should petition to keep the brooms around.

[Private to Charles]

Alright, Chuck. Let's talk strategy, here. What's the plan for getting me out of inmate status? [He has a few things in mind as far as deals go, at this point. And he can't get those so long as he's stuck in the doghouse of the Barge.]

[Private to Steve]

What happens during Floods stays in the Flood. [Nope nope nope nope nope]

[Private to Arkady]

Any way I can have a few bottle of scotch to keep in my room, gorgeous? [He has a litany of BS excuses to give her, if she decides that's... a little much.

But Pepper's going to realize something's up sooner or later, and he wants a nice back-up supply of booze before that happens.]


[ooc: Hi I'm Em and I don't know the meaning of a hiatus. (at least not for tonight/tomorrow, beyond that I will be a little scarce)]

[Compared to his last little blow-up to the network? Today's message is nice and short and sweet and to the point. Well, as to-the-point as Tony Stark can ever be.]

Are there any teleportation pads on this space-tionwagon or am I just missing something here?

Why the hell do we have simulated environments, dimensional jumps, and aliens that would make George Lucas wet himself... but we don't have floor to floor transportation pads?

And for the record, everything I've ever said about stairs I am redacting and revising. They suck.

[Filtered to Maintenance/The labs]
Who wants to be my babysitter or just let me in to do my thing? I need to outfit a wheelchair with a jet-pack in the next two hours or else I cannot and will not be held responsible for whatever homicidal, frustration-based rage I go into.

[Spam For the Deck]
[Because every new invention needs a road test, right? And Tony is kind of known for his need for speed.

So uh, if you ever wanted to see one Tony Stark zoom past you in a repulsor powered wheelchair? This would kind of be your chance.]

There's this old adage, Bargians. Secrets, secrets are no fun. Unless you are a part of one. I'd kind of like to add onto that for a minute. So, uh, bear with me.

There are a few things that yeah, they're supposed to be kept secret. No one and their aunt Martha care about your latest bowel movement or who you had a crush on in the third grade. Seriously, they don't. Unless you're loud, obnoxious, spray tan like hell every chance you have, and get into cat fights over who gets the last can of soda. Those are fine. As are the family secrets, things like divorces, fights. I'm not saying "Spill your guts, Bargites, 'cause it's just not faaaaaaair~!" Those aren't the types of secrets I'm talking about.

I'm talking about the secrets that have to do with someone else. If someone knows something about your future that, you know, might be good to know for your own peace of mind, your own well-being, then hey. What the hell are you keeping it from them for? Because I pretty much guarantee that when they find out - and they will - things will be even worse than you imagined.

And yeah, for the record? Lies of omission totally count.

[Private to Natasha]
Coulson's dead, huh? Or did Rogers leave that out of his debrief?

[Private to Arkady]
Gorgeous, I needed to be drunk yesterday.

[Private to Charles]
Give me a reason to actually keep giving a shit, Prof. Because apparently even if I work to come back to life now, I just die again later.

[Private to Steve]
So. Rogers.

Coulson's dead.

I flew a nuke into space.

Loki's a fucking supervillain.

Game over.

[Filtered FROM Captain America; aka to everyone else on the barge]

Okay, tomorrow's the Fourth. Which means Independence Day for those of us from America.

I'm putting out a casting call, kind of. Basically, any chicks that know how to sing and dance? Kind of need you to raise your hands.

Before you ask, it's for a wholesome 40's kind of thing. Not my style, but I have my reasons for it.


[Private to Natasha]
Star Spangled Man, Steve's birthday. You're my wingman on this. [AKA: You have no choice.]

[Private to Loki]
Hey, Rock of Ages, your Shakespeare roots don't have tailoring in them, do they?

[Private to Peggy]
You say anything to Cap, you'll have made a really annoying enemy.

[Private to Dean]
Hey, you wouldn't happen to have found a song anywhere called The Star Spangled Man? Kind of a 40's showtune feel?

[Private to B]
Dancing for me, gorgeous? [He knows not when to quit]

[Private to Charles]
Please tell me there's some sort of update on my goddamn helmet. [He just wants some good news right now :C]

[Private to Steve]
Why're you here anyway, Cap?

[Given what's happened lately? Tony's looking even more sleep deprived as usual. And more than a little fed up with... well, with just about everything]

Few things, ship.

One: The food here is crap, and I want a cleaning service. Or a car. Or both.

Two: I think I kind of promised someone a particle accelerator. I claim time extension rights considering my first port and a goddamn flood.

Which brings us to three. Sorry kids, bed offers expired.

[Filtered to Maintenance/Repair/Lab Wardens and such]
Pretty sure you guys have been told about me. But I'm kind of a big deal in engineering, robotics, and math.

So here to serve or whatever.

[Private to Charles]
I need you to back me up. I'll trade ignoring your trigger happy friend for it.

Basically, I need spare arc reactors. And I need to build them, and have people not know what the hell they actually are. And since I'm an inmate that's probably gonna require your word that they're not some sort of bomb.

[Private to Steve]
Do I need to tell you to shut up about the arc reactor, or is that kind of a given?

['Sup Barge, Tony's looking rather snazzy in his suit right now, isn't he?]

Okay, if I'm going to be stuck on this alien visitors barge, I need three things:

Full access to the bar. A better room. And at least three women who want to be shown the time of their lives.



[ooc: Information about what's different with Tony is here! But pretty much he's the same asshole he was. Just. More into supporting terrorism, now. The real meat of things will come post-flood.

Also, I've been failing at tags recently, but I should be able to catch up tonight and tomorrow! this is just going up now, because I'll be completely internetless Friday and Saturday, and most of Sunday. So yes! Getting things going now c:]

Apparently we're in some sort of web of inter-dimensional transmissions, huh?

Awesome.

This is Tony Stark - but if you didn't already know that you're probably not going to be much fun, today - otherwise known as Iron Man.

Consider this my ET Phone Home moment.

[He's... really not expecting much from today. But hey. All the cool kids are doing it.]